I hate me.

I am seriously starting to hate the person that I am becoming. I have so much rage inside of me know and it’s VERY unfamiliar territory to me.

I know my body. I have always been extremely self-aware. But now, I am clueless about myself. Taking all of the fertility medication has made me a stranger to myself.

This should be easy. Take meds, egg retrieval, ICSI, insemination, pregnant, baby. But the meds didn’t work and I only had 2 viable follicles. My doctor decided on IUI instead of IVF. Now I’m playing the waiting game. If I don’t get pregnant by this, then it’s back to the Clomid and gonal-f and try it again. My doctor is also asking me about using donor eggs. That’s a whole other idea to process.

So, here I am. Loathing the jealous, angry bitch that I am becoming. I can’t even look at children right now without crying. And they’re everywhere. So you see where I’m going with this. Please just wish me strength. Because I don’t know how much longer I can do this.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s