I feel like I am starting the first day of school! I’ve gone over the paperwork again and again. Watched the medication injection instruction videos over and over. I think I’ve got this!! Tomorrow starts the bloodwork and ultrasounds. I’ll probably be monitored daily until it’s time for egg retrieval. That should be between 8 and 15 days from tomorrow. I am extremely nervous that when the doctor goes to retrieve my eggs, none will be viable. Because of my age and other complications from past pregnancies, she’s giving me about a 4% change of conception. I just keep telling myself that the odds can’t be that stacked against me. That we are GOING to have a baby. I can’t be bogged down by negativity, so I asked all of my friends to send me their favorite baby pictures. Pictures that inspired them or moved them in some way. It has really helped.
Yesterday, I taught another CPR class at my church. My priest can’t look at me without starting to cry. He loved my son, Dean. At Dean’s funeral, it took Father almost 15 minutes to compose himself before starting the mass. He just cried and cried. Knowing that so many people are keeping us in their daily thoughts and prayers has also been a huge help. Dean was only here for 23 months. But he made a huge impact on a lot of people’s lives. Mostly mine and my husband’s. So I have to keep going knowing that my son would want my husband and me to be happy. Happy with whatever happens. Whether it’s with a new baby or maybe even adopting or fostering a child. But I also know that he wants me to keep trying. NOT to quit!